26th January 2018

I want to write this story as a self reminder.

So today, i reached my limit. I actually brokedown and crying while solat (no marks for khusyuk obviously).

My life has been quite stressful these past few days. Our semester exam is approaching and this neuro posting is killing me. For selanjar 7 we have 4 killer specialist posting which are ent ophthal commed and neuro. For 3 weeks of neuro, we got alot of things to accomplish, 2 case write-up of neuro case is like 10 cases btw because it will be long and complicated cases. So we just started clerking this week and bayangkan all 20 people have to write different case. Neuro case is not like batuk demam sehari 10 admissions and everyone was like fighting over the cases, siapa cepat dia dapat case best and mudah. Tak tambah lagi patient's side yg language barrier and not cooperative yada yada. And for next week I have to present tutorials twice. Topics pun boleh tahan susah dia. And what's more I have topics to cover for study groups. Tambah emosi sis. 😭😭

So during the solat zohor, I was actually very emotional and I told Allah that I am so penat la this week and already feel penat till 12th Feb. Give me the barakah of time so that I can do many things in 24hours. I cried a bit (luckily roomate tido) and decided to take short nap before opd at 3pm. So it was 1.45 when I slept and I woke up at 2.15 ish. And I woke up with fresh mind and I could say that I have a very good quality of nap. And there is bisikan kecil "takyah la stress stress lek je follow the flow buat penat je stress".

I get up from the bed and opened laci and found this a pocket size picture of my Ummi and Abah.

Allahu. Allah itu maha memujuk. Hilang sekejap stress dan penat dan apa yang aku bagitau ialah hanya dengan "Allah, aku penat."

I feel motivated and walked to hospital. Waited for Dr at neuro opd and later sister told Dr had surgery right now so no class. Yabedabedu, got time to clerk case. (Our plan to take case tomorrow morning actually) Asked my partner Suraya to go to ward to find case and we got one case of hemiparesis seizures (still under evaluation) and although the patient is unconscious the family members are quite helpful and cooperative. Even kannada pun he tried his best to understand my terabur hindi. And then we visited Nithin (our paeds GBs pt) and to see now he's doing alright, can roll his body and move a bit, really enlighten my heart.

Hati terpujuk lagi.

Allah ease my way, no class in the evening, can proceed to what have been planned for tomorrow. so settle dah satu kerja walaupun kerja lain masih mengunung. Allah gave me Suraya yang sabar je tadi sebab aku pening nak ambik patient mana tamak haloba sbb ada 2-3 new cases.

At the end of the day, I know that I have to always remember that Allah is always there to help me/you. Now or later insyaAllah Dia akan mudahkan. Just do your best and He will take care of the rest. Semoga terus termotivasi sampai grad 🤧.

And another thing is I really dont have an idea why did I minat this complicated field. But I know for sure I want to do this for a longer time, for a lifetime. May Allah keep this minat in me forever.

Maaflaa sis tak sempat check grammar sebab sis busy. And alhamdulillah dah azan Maghrib yeahh ifthorrrrr duluan ya.

But I have one big problem right now ➡️Got one basket full of laundry. 😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑

Etiology : PMS, stress work-loads, Selanjar-induced disease.

Rx & Tx : Turn to Allah, don't stop believing and have faith.


P/s : I want to write this on my blog but got no time right now. So here it goes, the only place I can filter my viewers. 💐

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